Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
