i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
