a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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