Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
