You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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