If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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