Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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