dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
