he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
