I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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