is your mom at the bar?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize