Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need water and some morals
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
