similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
