Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
