I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
