definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to be your penis for a week.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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