She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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