bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
