Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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