The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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