my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think people are normalizing furries
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
