I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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