took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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