Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
