I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
