I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
