she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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