If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
