for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
