You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
