um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
