I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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