we have officially lost it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
