she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
