Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
