dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
