why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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