you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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