It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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