It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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