Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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