I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
