I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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