I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
