I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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