I got chris browned last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
