I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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