Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Two words: blizzard sex
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
