Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
