When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
