let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
