Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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