When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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