That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
