3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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