please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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