And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize