She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
