I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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