Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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