On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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