Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
