I love black thongs
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So vagazzling was a success
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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