she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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