Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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