you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
